Alive!

“Always find time for the things that make you feel happy to be alive.”

Well it’s the Tuesday before Thanksgiving so I’m sure you’re already suspecting a post about what I’m thankful for. And I’m TOTALLY giving you that! Deal with it!

You know what I’m thankful for? I’m friggin’ thankful to be alive! Did you know that the odds of you existing are one in 400 trillion? Just sit and think about that for a minute. Think about how many zeros are in that number! The odds of YOU being YOU, is one in 400 trillion. We are all so different, unique and our own individual. We all have our problems, our gifts, our love, our path and are all blessed with life. Now I am not one to walk around acting like life is always rainbows and cotton candy. Life sucks sometimes. We all go through rough patches. Sometimes it just lasts longer than others.

Our little family of four has had a pretty rough year. It all seemed to have started right after I was diagnosed with Celiac. The diagnosis seemed to have struck a chord of bad luck for us. It all started with an unexpected, immediate need for a new roof. We live very similar to the Dave Ramsey method, so we live debt free and don’t want to borrow money (besides a mortgage). We had just put in a pool 6 months prior so needing a new roof was a tough pill to swallow after spending the money on a pool. But it was needed so we had to do it.

The bad luck continued when I went to the dentist for a routine cleaning to discover I had suddenly developed 8 cavities; I have never had a cavity in my life. Days after I filled 4 out of the 8 cavities, I was in excruciating pain. After going to a few dentists for second opinions on what the pain was, the conclusion was that I needed a root canal. At this point I had already exhausted my dental benefits between the cleaning, x-rays and fillings. So now if you know anything about root canals, you don’t just get a root canal. You also have to put a crown over the root canal. Days after the crown was put on, I was still in pain but now in a different tooth. After many appointments and consultations, I discovered this painful tooth (that was filled just a month prior) also needed a root canal. So, root canal and crown for a second tooth were completed. At least I can officially say I’m a princess now because I have TWO crowns. I am currently developing more pain in two different teeth and was told they both will need root canals and crowns. So, if you got a little lost by this mini story, I went from zero cavities in my 30 years of life, to a whopping 8 cavities with 4 of them needing root canals and crowns. I do still have 2 more cavities to fill and am terrified to have them filled, worrying they will also turn into root canals.

While I was dealing with my own teeth issues, my husband was also dealing with his own teeth issues. The dentist told him that he needed to replace an old filling. He trusted her opinion and had the filling redone. Days later he was in a lot of pain. The tooth that was refilled, had gotten infected and ended up causing him to have a root canal and crown. Months after that he had a cavity that needed filled. Well wouldn’t you know that one ended up turning into a desperate need for a root canal and crown too! I know we have been together 15+ years and have shared a lot together but, sharing tooth aches and going through root canals at the same time is a new kind of sharing.  

Our bad luck kept on rolling with much smaller things like our microwave deciding it didn’t want to work anymore. Our lawn mower stopped running. Our main family car was acting up and stalling out and needing a whole new set of tires leaving us with a hefty car repair bill.

Then in April, my Dad, Mom, sister and I planned a trip to Ohio to visit mine and my sister’s great aunt (really a grandma-like role model to us) who was not doing so well. It was pretty gut wrenching to see her in pain withering away and in a delusional state of mind. Thankfully she recognized us and told us she loved us. 3 days after we got home from our visit, my dad got the call that she passed away. We believe with all our hearts that God kept her alive so we could all say goodbye and tell her we loved her, one more time. Aunt Carol, you will always hold a special place in my heart.

In May, I had a very real scare that worried me and my husband quite a bit. I explained to my doctor my new, weird and painful symptoms that I was having. She listed a few things it could be. Terrifyingly, cancer was on that list of possibilities. After an ultrasound showed no signs of anything alarming, a biopsy was the next step. That biopsy put me in a kind of pain I’ve never felt before and caused me to literally pass out on the table. After several days of anxiously and nervously waiting the results, I was finally told everything was clear and I have nothing to worry about. Wow, that was a huge relief I was extremely grateful for.

The crazy strand of bad luck continued in July, with our 3-year-old who accidentally slipped going up the stairs on the boys’ bunkbed giving him a broken tibia and a hard cast for 8 weeks. After 5 weeks cast free, he thought he was a ninja and proceeded to jump off our very tall king bed doing ninja moves in the air to catch bad guys. This led him to another broken tibia and another hard cast for 4 weeks. Clearly the bad guys won. He is currently out of the last hard cast and now in a walking boot for 4 more weeks.

Life sure can give you lemons sometimes and we sure had a lot this past year. After the first few things happened, we sort of just started laughing at the next thing that was added to our list of bad luck. It’ll all pass eventually. We’ll have a quiet period. Then something else will happen. Such is life. I might sit and dwell on the bad from time to time but why sit and complain over and over about all the bad? What does the complaining do for anyone? We all have bad that comes our way. Maybe something terrifying, maybe something that you just don’t know how you can get out on the other side. Bills suck, cars breaking down sucks, health scares bring anxiety and loved ones dying is a punch in the gut. We all have this one life to live. We all have those same 1 in 400 trillion odds of being who we are. Even though I may have been given the Celiac Disease card, a disease without a cure, I’m thankful that I can live my life with minimal symptoms by living gluten free. I’m so thankful for my beautiful marriage, children and life path I’m on. I’m friggin’ thankful to be alive!!!

“Never allow anyone to take away your sparkle. Be kind and laugh and love often.”

Cheers, Tracy